Dating Jokes and Relationship Humor!

Her side of the story?

My husband was in an odd mood Saturday night. We planned to meet at a cafe for a drink. I spent the afternoon shopping with the girls and I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit later than I promised but he didn't say anything about it. I don't remember doing anything to make him upset, but I could tell there was something wrong.

The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off to someplace intimate so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I was getting really worried, what did I do? What was bothering him? Was he mad at me?

I tried to cheer him up, but started to wonder what was bothering him. Was it me or something else? I asked him if he was upset with me, he said no. But I wasn't really sure. In the car on the way back home, I said that I loved him deeply and he just put his arm around me. I didn't know what the heck that meant because, you know, he didn't say it back or anything. We finally got back home and I was wondering if he was going to leave me! So I tried to get him to talk but he just switched on the TV.

Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to bed. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and to my surprise, we made love. But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I wanted to confront him but didn't, so I just cried myself to sleep. I just don't know what to do anymore. I mean, I really think he's seeing someone else.

His side of the story:

Played quite bad today --- shot 97 - - -can't putt for shit! Felt kind of tired.

Got laid though. Time for a nap.

In a recent On-line poll 38,562 men across the UK were asked to identify a woman's ultimate fantasy. 98.8% of the respondents said that a woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once.

While this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning.

How to Speak About Women and Be Politically Correct

1. She is not a Babe or a Chick - She is a Breasted American.

2. She is not a Screamer or Moaner - She is Vocally Appreciative.

3. She is not Easy - She is Horizontally Accessible.

4. She does not Tease or Flirt - She engages in Artificial Stimulation.

5. She is not Dumb - She is a Detour Off The Information Superhighway.

6. She has not Been Around - She is a Previously Enjoyed Companion.

7. She does not Get You Excited - She causes Temporary Blood Displacement.

8. She is not Kinky - She is a Creative Caretaker.

9. She does not have a Killer Body - She is Terminally Attactive.

10. She is not an Airhead - She is Reality Impaired.

11. She does not get Drunk or Tipsy - She gets Chemically Inconvenienced.

12. She is not Horny - She is Sexually Focused.

13. She does not have Breast Implants - She is Medically Enhanced.

14. She does not Nag You - She becomes Verbally Repetitive.

15. She is not a Slut - She is Sexually Extroverted.

16. She does not have Major League Hooters - She is Pectorally Superior.

17. She is not a Two Bit Whore - She is a Low Cost Provider.

Good girls say "thanks for a wonderful dinner"...
Bad girls say, "what's for breakfast?"

Good girls never go after another girl's man...
Bad girls go after him AND his brother.

Good girls wear white cotton panties...
Bad girls don't wear any.

Good girls wax their floors...
Bad girls wax their bikini lines.

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot...
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

Good girls make chicken for dinner...
Bad girls make reservations.

Good girls blush during bedrooms scenes in movies...
Bad girls know they could do better.

Good girls never consider sleeping with the boss...
Bad girls never do either, unless he's very, very rich.

Good girls believe you're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls...
Bad girls believe that you are fully dressed with JUST a strand of pearls.

Good girls love italian food...
Bad girls love italian waiters.

Women are angels of truth and a dream of fiction,
A woman is a bundle of contradiction,
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
But will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house.
Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,
She'll win you in range, enchant you in silk,
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk;
At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.
Compared to the Moods of a Man

Um, Horny?